Now, yes, I will admit that sometimes I do get caught up dwelling on something someone said or did to me or even the way someone is living their life. Sometimes I will talk it to death. But, I want to be sure that I don't focus my entire life and energy around something so negative. I try to make like a duck and let it just roll off my back. (Yes, I realize that's probably not a real saying...it's an "Amie-ism".) When I catch myself acting like that, I immediately change the subject and focus on something new. I know of several people that have spent years...literally YEARS!...dwelling on the same thing over and over again. Sometimes, it's even a life-long negative obsession that they choose to focus on. Every day. Every week. Every month. Every year. And then the innocent get to hear it all the time. The funny thing is, usually these bitter people have no problem passing judgement on others. Telling others how their attitude should be. Telling others that because they live their life differently, it is wrong.
Recently, I have even heard a bitter person tell me that I am too hard on myself! Just to go right back to complaining about themselves and/or their past. I guess me thinking about my diet and weight-loss goals was too much focus on myself for them. They needed all the focus, energy, discussion...no matter how negative it might be...on them. And it really pissed me off. I did my usual and changed the subject. I didn't even really dwell on it that much. This post is the first time I have even really given it much thought. Yes, I am pretty hard on myself about my weight. But, I have to face it. Just 2 1/2 years ago, I was about 20 pounds lighter. It's a little depressing to think about how I let myself go. But, here's what I used to look like:
I'm not trying to brag or sound conceited, but I think I looked damn good back then! I was happy with my body. I am not, or really ever have been, the type of girl that just hates everything about my looks and focuses all the time on the negative. I have a round face...something a lot girls wouldn't like...but I think it makes me look cute and young. And that's something I REALLY am liking as I near 30! My skin tone is bright white. Again, something that is not usually embraced by American women (or men). I used to hate it when I was young, but that was mainly because Every.Single.Person that you encounter just *has* to tell you that your skin is really pale. It was more of an annoyance with other people that couldn't get over the fact that I don't have tan skin. I now embrace it and when people feel the need to point out that I am, in fact, very pale, I just correct them on their misperceptions. Yes, I am pale. I am Irish. It happens. However, being pale means that I have accepted the fact I can't tan. Therefore, I don't spend hours in tanning beds or out in the sun, frying myself to a crisp. My chances of skin cancer, wrinkles and leathery skin are far less than theirs because of this acceptance of myself. Did you know that people with darker skin tend to let melanoma spread and get worse because it is actually harder to see and detect? Thank you! It's amazing how effective it can be to just point people in a new direction.
Another thing is that I have an apple/hourglass shape. It used to be completely apple as I had absolutely no hips or butt, but after I hit 26, I started gaining more weight in my hips. I am more hourglass shape now. I do still gain the majority of my weight in my waist, though. Most women would much rather be the "ideal" hourglass, but it has never really bothered me being an apple. Studies have shown that losing weight/fat in the waist is much easier than in the hips and thighs. And I do know this is a fact! When I would gain and lose weight through the years, my hips and thighs rarely changed. My waist, however, changed quite a bit. So, I was always much happier being an apple because although weight gain is easier, weight loss is easier as well. Plus, no cellulite. :)
Anyway, all this is to say that even though I am unhappy with parts of myself right now, doesn't mean that my entire life is dedicated to dwelling on these little things. I might be hard on myself now about the fact that I have gained weight, but once I lose it, any negative body image I might have now will go away. It's not a life-long obsession for me. There's not much in my life that is a bitter obsession for me. Even my weight. I think about it and might talk about it around mealtimes, however, sometimes I do see myself in the mirror and think, "Damn I look good!"
I have had experiences that could have very easily turned into a lifetime of bitterness, regret, blame. However, I think that's a very unhealthy way to live. Sometimes, I do wish more people would realize that. Bitching about the same thing day in and day out is definitely not the way to live life. Look to the future. Get over it. And, get over yourself in the meantime.
