My Least Favorite Time of the Year?

You're looking at it. I hate winter. I hate cold. The holidays are ok, but I think there's a bunch of added stress with all the, "We should this. We have to do that. EAT EAT EAT!!!" And more than anything? I hate the dark.



I work 7am to 6pm which means I'm gone from my house from 6:30am until 6:30pm. I drive in the dark both ways. I don't have windows in my office. I usually eat in my office in an attempt to be healthy during fat season.

I get depressed. Really depressed. I very much suffer from a case of the SADs and it's just ridiculous. I personally do not think it's bad enough for me to medicate the problem. I know that first day when I see sun still shining as I'm leaving work, I'm in a better place. That day was yesterday and today? Super productive! Super positive! Super good mood! It's like clockwork.

Like I said. Ridiculous. I wish it didn't happen and the thing is, it never starts until about mid-December. Right as the holidays are ramping up. I usually kick the mood about February. March is always a month of over-excitement which I wasn't aware was also a "thing." It's called Reverse Seasonal Affective Disorder.

Wait, does this mean that I am seasonally bi-polar? Surely not!

Thank You Mayo Clinic!

Ever since I was a kid, I had this term I used: Skinny Fat. It's when a person looks thin or looks to be at their appropriate weight, but they have no muscle to them whatsoever. They are soft. Really soft. And you wonder if thier insides are just a bunch of pudding.

Well, the Mayo Clinic has coined a new term: Normal Weight Obesity. Basically, they stole my idea. I should be rich because of this.

Blog Prompt - Apparently All About Boobs!

I know it's hard to believe, but there are a lot of times I am at a loss for words. I mean, yes, I talk a LOT and can pretty much talk to a brick wall if I needed to. But there are times (lots of times) that I don't know what to write about. And then things like ranting to Yahoo come up and spewing out. Of course, that was so freaking frustrating. And of course I had to get it out. But seriously? That's my biggest problem right now? Laughable.

So this is where I find MindBump and Creativity Portal to give me ideas. The first idea was to list 10 titles of my autobiography. Hmmm...that's interesting. And hard! A lot of people don't get my humor (or maybe I'm only funny in my own head...hey!...book title!), so not sure how this will blow over...but here goes:

1.) Funny In My Own Head
2.) The Jack-Of-All-Trades, Truly An Expert At None
3.) Amie-isms: A Life Of Inane Thoughts
4.) When Boobs Don't Stop Growing: The Tragic Tale That Nobody Understands
5.) Talking to Yourself: It's Best If Done Alone
6.) How to Get Through School Without Studying
7.) The Life Of A Procrastinator
8.) Do As I Say! Now!
9.) Hot Feet
10.) Floating With The Clouds

The next one was to describe my most embarrassing moment. Hell if I know!! I am easily embarrassed and constantly do it to myself. Most of the time, it's from me trying to make someone laugh and then the unexpected person walks in. For instance, there was this one time in high school during cheerleading practice. We were all tired and a little punchy. It was just my squad and we were waiting for something...I can't even remember now what we were doing, but an after school practice was involved. So, bored out of our minds, I roll up my little practice shorts so much that the cheeks were hanging out and so low that something else was about to hang out. I do that 80's twist thing with my t-shirt where it only covers my boobs. I throw my hair into a really high side ponytail and I grab the orange cones that were sitting in the gym leftover from the P.E. class. With cones on my boobs, I start performing "Like a Virgin" for my squad...who were all rolling on the floor! I mean, I had them going I was so funny (pats self on back)! Then, right in the middle of a particulary dramatic twirl, the HOT coach of the school walks in. There I am, standing in all my glory, about a foot from the hottest guy I had ever seen in real life. Smooth. Really smooth. Luckily he just laughed and walked right back out...but I'm sure he saw me turn beat red first!

Then, just a year and a half ago, there was the "incident" at my best friend's wedding. I was the maid of honor and she had picked out these dresses with spaghetti straps and a really, really low-cut front. It took a lot of altering on my mom's part because, let's face it, while well-endowed girls might be envied for their well-endowedness, there are many items of clothing they just cannot and should not wear. Spaghetti straps with very little boobie coverage = not good! So, since this was so low-cut, there was no way I could wear even a strapless bra under the thing. My mom took about 3 inches out of each piece of string they called a strap and 2 inces out of each side (apparently, the bigger the size you get to try to have coverage, the more fabric they add to the SIDE of the chest part...not the front...I'm sorry but nobody wants to see fat-girl cleavage!). I was practically sewn into that sucker! So, my friend goes to do the bouquet toss, and of course throws it right to me. As I reach up for it...POP! The straps of my dress come flying off! Thank goodness that bouquet landed in my hands when it did because if it was 2 seconds later, my dress would have been on the floor. No joke. I didn't know what to do, so I just stood there for a couple of minutes, not moving. All the girls and my friend the bride come crowding around, luckily, and I just stood there repeating, "My straps! My straps! I can't move! What do I do?" Finally I knew that I was going to have to get to the bathroom and I couldn't just stand there on the dancefloor - in front of 200 people, mind you - motionless. So, I turned on my heel and booked it past all the guests and darted right into the bathroom...with about 10 girls trailing behind me. After I was finally pinned in as well as I could be pinned in, and had Jonathan's jacket on, I face the music and walk back into the reception...with a round of applause errupting. Nice.

So the lesson of that story is, if you have busty bridesmaids, please, PLEASE do them a favor and choose a dress with thick straps or a halter style! Strapless and spaghetti straps are HORRIBLE for girls like us and we will resent you for making us wear those types of dresses!

OK, I guess that's all for writing prompts today. I should focus my writing energy on my school stuff right now. But, see autobiography title #7.

Dear Yahoo:

I do realize that your email services are free. However, that doesn't mean that your service should suck on a regular basis. I am constantly having problems. Especially this week. I don't know what's going on in your part of the world, but in my most sincere voice: FIX THE EFFING PROBLEM!

I don't know why every time I try to clear out my spam folder you tell me that there was a problem with the delete button. You put the delete button there. Make it work! I personally don't want spam sitting in my email. Call me paranoid, but getting a virus on my work computer is not my idea of fun. Just delete the shit and we would all be happy.

Or, better yet, just be like Gmail and hide the spam folder so I don't see that I have 200+ spammy emails sitting there. OR...even better than that!...be like Gmail and don't allow so much spam! OR AGAIN! Gmail also doesn't have these HUGE animated ads all over my email that slows everything down because my workplace watches everything and if it even remotely looks like a video (God forbid!), then they must block it. See, Gmail just puts a simple text ad at the top. It takes no time to load and I didn't even realize it was there until after a few months of using my Gmail account.

Here's another thing, when I type up an email or reply to someone and I hit the send button...SEND IT! Don't tell me every.single.time that there was an error in communicating with the server or whatever your excuse is. I mean, it's your server, right? Don't you know where it is? Shouldn't you be able to communicate with it whenever?

Here's the funny thing about the send button problem. If I save my email as a draft, go to different website and then come back to Yahoo, I can send my draft without a problem. But why put a send button there in the first place if you want me to go through 3 other steps before I actually send my email? Why not just have a message that says, "If you want to actually send these witty and wonderful emails, you must first save it, go to another website and then come back to Yahoo to actually send the email. Yes, we could just put a send button on here in the first place, but that would be making the lives of our customers EASY. And we can't have that, now can we?"

Anyway, Yahoo, the point is, fix your buttons. You have them there for a reason and we kind of like to use them. And I've been a loyal Yahoo-er (Yahoo-ee?) for quite some time. The only reason I even started a Gmail account in the first place was for school. I could just dump all my school emails there without having to log out of my personal email and into another Yahoo email. But, if this problem persists, then I will just have to dump you forever.

Your attention to this matter would be greatly appreciated as I have a life to get to, which includes a lot of emailing. And I really don't want to wait anymore.

Yours truly,
Amie

P.S. If all your servers are located in Haiti, then I might understand the "communication errors." But not a single GOOGLE (yeah, that's right...I said GOOGLE) search turns up anything about Yahoo having servers in Haiti. So, no excuses, Yahoo.

Turkey Meatballs

The weekends kill me! I lose 5 pounds during the week, I gain right back on the weekends. No need to even explain...it's the usual...drinking, fast food, dinner with friends. But, I just got my syllabus for my next class and I'm going to be so busy I won't even have time to eat! So, maybe I can lose weight during this round of classes. :)

Jonathan and I went to the grocery store yesterday and attempted buying our healthy convenience foods. I got a craving for turkey meatballs and kind of made up a recipe as I went. As always, I don't measure...just eyeball everything:

1 pound ground lean turkey
1/4ish cup of bread crumbs
1 palmful of dried Italian herbs
3 squeezes of ketchup
1 large egg
3 cloves of garlic, minced
salt, pepper and red pepper flakes to taste
Olive oil
28 ounces of tomato sauce

Combine all the above ingredients except olive oil and tomato sauce in a large bowl. Mix with hands until distributed evenly throughout. Scoop out evenly-sized meatballs...I use a scooper that is about 1.5 ounces. Place meatballs on baking sheet or large glass cutting board. After meatballs are scooped, pour olive oil in pan (2-3 tablespoons) and heat over medium-high. Once oil is heated, place meatballs in pan and brown on all sides. About 5 minutes. Turn heat down to medium. If there is a lot of residual oil, remove meatballs and drain oil off. However, if using extra lean, white turkey, all the oil will probably be soaked up (it was for me). Add meatballs back in if removed and add all the tomato sauce. With a hard simmer to light boil, cover pan loosely with foil and cook for about 15 minutes. Serve with spaghetti noodles and enjoy!

It's yummy, easy and healthy. :)

Quick and Easy

Instead of starting on a new "diet" this year, I've decided to throw caution into the wind and do what I think I know I should do. That's the thing about all of these "diets"...they are for people who know nothing about nutrition, portion control and need something laid out for them in explicit terms. I grew up with a Home Ec. teacher for a mom and along the way she's taught me about food. She never really taught me how to cook, that is surprisingly one of the few natural talents I have. Yes, she has taught me some terms (because really, do we have to have a fancy term for everything?) and a couple of things along the way, but my cooking skills came purely out of experimenting and smelling. Smelling? Yes, I cook by smell. If it smells good together before it's cooked, it's gotta taste good, right? Usually that works.

Anyway, I'm getting side-tracked here. Point is, I know how to cook. And, get this, I am really good at cooking healthy! I rarely use salt unless it's absolutely necessary...and no, it doesn't mean my food is bland. People would be surprised how herbs and spices will actually do the trick in the flavor department and no extra salt is needed. I am pretty exclusive with my olive oil usage with the only exceptions ever being if the strong and distinctive flavor of the olive oil won't mix well with whatever it is I am cooking. Then I will use straight canola oil. Both of these are believed to be among the healthiest of the oils. I rarely use butter when I cook. The only time I use that is in cookies (which aren't healthy anyway) or in mac and cheese. Basically, I use butter in the unhealthy recipes because let's face it, if I'm going to splurge, then I am going go whole hog!

I also prefer fresh veggies as opposed to canned or frozen, but if I need a quick go-to, then it's always frozen first and then canned (rinsed well, of course). I know I need whole grains, fruits and veggies in any given day and I sure as heck know that fast food doesn't provide this. And, if they do, it's often at a cost. Which is stupid, if you ask me! Why does it have to cost $1.30 extra to sub a SMALL fruit cup for a large french fry? I know fruit is more expensive than potatoes and definitely more perishable, but seriously, have you seen those small fruit cups? There is absolutely no way that amount of fruit was really $1.30 more than the the potatoes and oil that went into the large fries.

Point is, if fast food joints would offer healthier options at the same cost, I would be happy. A grilled chicken sandwich (no mayo...not a big fan of the stuff anyway) and fruit cup (even a small one) at the same prices as the fried and greasy option would keep me going there throughout any health kick period.

But they don't. And I really need quick and easy. So, since I'm also on a big budget crunch as well as trying to maintain a healthy lifestyle, I've been doing the best I can do. And what do you know? Without really trying or being on any kind of "diet," I've lost 5 pounds in a couple of weeks! The last time I weighed myself, which I can't remember if it was last week or the week before, I was 134 with 18% body fat. This morning, 129 with 15% body fat! I finally broke out of the 130s!!! I can't believe it! It's been probably 2 years since I hit that 130 mark and I've stayed there fairly consistently. And I did this all by doing what I already know to do.

Here's what my past couple of weeks have looked like as far as eating goes:
Breakfast:
Coffee with creamer
1 cup (measured dry) plain, quick oats - prepared with water
Big handful (about 1/3 of a cup) of frozen rasberries, blueberries, blackberries
1 packet of Truvia

Here's where people will knock my breakfast: the creamer, 1 full cup of quick oatmeal and "artificial" sweetener. Here's how they are wrong: creamer has fat, yes, but you need fat to properly digest your food and the get the most nutrients out of it. That's why "experts" will tell you that if you are eating a meal with very little to no fat in it, start with a salad with OIL and vinegar. You need fat, not a lot, but you need it. Plus, the tinsy amount of creamer that I use doesn't have a ton of fat in there. Secondly, I know the label says that 1/2 cup of oats is a serving size. I tried 1/2 a cup. Not enough for me. Plus, you should eat most of your carbs in the morning anyway. Also, I know you should eat the super expensive, take forever to cook steel cut oats. Yeah, I work for a living and I leave for work at 6:30am. Not going to take the time to make 30 minute oatmeal. 3 minute oatmeal is fine and it's still healthier than most of the sugary cereals that get crammed down our youth's throats, right? And lastly, Truvia is actually natural. It's the best non-sugar sweetener out there, in my opinion. Not that I'm an expert, but I do know how to read a label and do research. I've also heard from countless nutritionists that they would rather you use a little bit of artificial sweetener than regular sugar if you are trying to lose weight. I don't even use the artificial stuff. The ingredients in Truvia are erythritol, which is a natural sweetener found in some fruits, rebiana, which is the sweetest part of the stevia plant (a real plant from South America that has been used for centuries for it's sweetening properties) and natural flavors. The natural flavors are probably the scariest part of all just because it is so vague. But, it's not all that bad...and for the record, neither is the artificial counterpart. However, I think Truvia's ingredients are still better than that of let's say, Sweet 'n Low...which is what my company offers. Americans get plenty of corn by-product in our diets that we really don't need much more. Dextrose, I'm talking to you!

Lunch:
Lean Cuisine or Kashi or Healthy Choice frozen meal with a handful of frozen mixed veggies thrown in

The argument: it's frozen! It's processed! It's high in sodium! My defense: it's quick! It's less processed than McDonald's (not to mention the added veggies)! I need sodium anyway because I run and I don't get any from breakfast and very little from dinner! So there! Plus, most of these meals are under 25% of your daily recommended intake. Never do I go over 25%.

Snack:
Either a handful of unsalted mixed nuts
OR
2 Wasa crackers with 2 tablespoons of peanut butter (only PB that is made of peanuts, peanut oil and salt) and a touch of honey
And on running days, I also have Luna bar as I leave work.

Not sure what could be argued here...maybe, "I thought you said lunch was your only sodium intake?" I didn't say lunch was my only sodium intake, I just said it was the majority of my sodium intake. Also, all 3 of the above combined? About 12%. But I never eat all 3 in one day. And again, I actually need sodium.

Dinner:
Baked chicken breast
Jasmine rice
Veggies

The argument: white rice! White rice! BAAAAAD! My defense: not really. Yes, brown rice would be better, but I like the flavor of white...specifically Jasmine...and I do need carbs after my runs. So, it's not that bad. Plus, this is most frequently used rice in Asian countries and they eat it almost every meal. They tend to be skinny and live longer, so surely white rice isn't that horrible, now is it?

Yes, I do have cheat meals still. Last night we had pizza rolls. Basically, I use reduced fat crescent rolls, a little bit of sauce and little bit of cheese (seriously, not a lot at all...won't fit). We happened to have fresh buffalo mozzarella and now I am hooked on the stuff. The crescent rolls are the worst part and yes, I have 4 pizza rolls and Jonathan has the other 4. But come on...everyone is allowed a cheat day! And it's still about a 500 calorie dinner.

My other non-nutritionally balanced dinners consist of homemade pizza (I like lots of sauce, very little cheese and veggies if available) and spaghetti. We are very Italian at home, apparently. But, any cheat meal I have, I make sure to eat very slowly and stop when I first feel not hungry. No, I don't say stop when I feel full, because in my head, that means bloated and stuffed. So, I have to ask myself if that hunger edge has been taken away. Basically, I don't eat the whole dang meal!

Anyway, that's my quick and easy "diet" if anyone wants to try it. I'm going to the grocery store this weekend to stock up on other healthier snacks. I need more veggies in my diet, I know. It's just a pain in the butt to prepare them when the majority of your meals are at work. I'll let you know how this one goes. Maybe this time, I can actually stick to it!

Completely Overwhelmed

The past couple of weeks I have been having mild anxiety attacks. Maybe they are panic attacks. What's the difference anyway? I think panic attacks are sudden and short-lived and anxiety attacks build up over time. I guess I am having anxiety attacks. I've been worried about a lot lately but I get these sudden spurts where I feel like the world is about to come crashing down on my head. I'm actually having one now and decided that I need to get it out.

I think the main reason I am freaking out lately is because my bank account is almost $15,000 lower this year than it was last year. There, I said it. Out loud. Or in type, rather. I had a ton of unexpected, large expenses and a couple of fun expenses that were still large, but at least they were fun! The crown after my root canal, my dog getting sick and then being put down, plumbing explosions (ok, leaks, whatever), allergy shots, paying a butt-load of tuition, needing new tires...all of that wasn't fun. There were several more not fun parts of 2009, but they weren't nearly as expensive as the ones I just mentioned. Then we got new floors and went to New York. Those parts were fun...and sometimes not...but dang if they weren't expensive!

So, that explains about 60% of my anxiety. Yes, only 60%. I thought it would be more than that seeing as how I always freak out about not having enough money in savings, but it is what it is right now and plenty of people have reminded me that all that above stuff that happened is the EXACT reason why you should have a savings account in the first place! Not that it really helps, but I just have to think back to when I was first starting off in this crazy, "real" world and I barely had two nickels to rub together! I managed to lively frugally then, so I need to manage to live frugally now.

Oh yeah, back to the other 40%. I just feel so disorganized lately. My house is a disaster, I can't concentrate at work, school is about to start again and I'm getting married. Yesterday, I realized that every time someone asks me how the wedding planning is going or if my mom calls me with some more wedding stuff, it annoys me. And it's not that these people are annoying me at all...it's that I feel so unorganized and so overwhelmed with everything right now that I don't want to talk about it. Anyone who has ever known me for any length of time can tell you that I am the worst procrastinator. And I mean the WORST! I will put off writing a paper until the night before it's due. Time and time again. But, with the wedding, I know I can't procrastinate so I am starting to feel overwhelmed by it all. And it's making me shut down.

So, resolution #4 for 2010 is to get my life cleaned up, organized and on track!

You see how I made that bold, italicized AND red? That means that if I don't stick to 1 through 3, then this HAS to be the one I accomplish!

Luckily this is a 4-day weekend for me and even though my Friday and Saturday are already gone due to prior commitments, I will be spending every waking minute I am at home cleaning my house up. I'm getting Jonathan started on the garage today (DID YOU HEAR ME, JONATHAN?!?!?! TODAY!!!) to go through all of his boxes that he still has in there from moving in. Yes, for almost 3 years now we have had so much crap in the garage that needs to be thrown away. So, since today and Sunday are supposed to be sunny around here, those days are dedicated to garage and backyard clean-up! Friday night and Monday are dedicated to picking up the house, deciding what stays and what goes and organizing the stuff that stays.

I'm damn determined to become a clean-freak. I won't make that a resolution, though, because I've been damn determined in the past about it...and, well, you see where we are today.

This has got to happen for me. Why? Because I don't believe in medicating a problem when you know exactly how to fix it. And fix it, I will.

One of THOSE Days

Do you ever have one of those days? You just feel beat down and not sure why? It's one of those kinds of days for me today. I mean, I know WHY it's one of those days, but that shouldn't be a reason, should it? You females out there know what I'm talking about. Hormones raging. Completely crampy. Bloated. Bloated. Bloated. Angry for no reason but all you want it is a hug. Yeah. One of THOSE days.

I feel bad for Jonathan, too, when these days come along. He can't do anything right in my eyes and I come home often ranting and raving about how he doesn't do jack shit around the house. Then he smiles, walks up to me, gives me this biggest hug in the world and rubs my back. He knows that helps. And I swear it makes him the bravest man in the world! Because although I love that hug and back rub, it doesn't make it any better. I still go off the deep end and lecture him on the proper way of putting up whatever it is that he has put up wrong. But he sees that smile behind the rant. Because he knows that while that hug didn't make things in general any better in my mind, it showed me that he understands. Even though he sooooo doesn't.

But that was last night and today is today. He's not here to hug me. I feel like the world is one big idiot today and I don't want to deal with it. I was fine when I woke up. Tired, but fine. However, despite all this fineness that I felt this morning, there was this thought in the back of my head that today wasn't going to be a great day. It's going to be a day where by 4pm I just want to crawl under the covers and go to sleep for many hours.

I won't get into work because that can always lead to being DOOCED. And we don't want or need that. But just know that it's annoying.

Then there's the fact that I just don't feel well. And there's nothing that can help that...just time. I'll probably feel better by tomorrow. I always do.

The next thing is that I start my new running class tonight. I decided to really push myself and moved up to the next class. The 201 class. Problem is, I didn't run for 2 weeks and then when I realized that I should go run before our "magic mile" that was last Tuesday, I discovered a pain in my knee. Turns out it was my IT band so I got the appropriate equipment (thank you $20 strap!) and it seemed fine last Tuesday. But we only had to run 1 mile and the pain always started after the first mile. Class on Thursday was subsequently canceled due to an arctic blast that rolled through Dallas. I should have gone to the gym and run on the treadmill. I didn't. I also didn't run on Friday or Sunday like I should have. I claimed that I was resting my IT band as that is the best course of action. In reality, I was being lazy. So, I have a bad feeling about how tonight is going to go.

Then my professor posted our stuff for my Global Business class today. And it's a mess. Completely disorganized and she has things due way after class should end...and when I'm in Egypt. And yes, Egypt is a class and the way the university has it set up, classes should not overlap. We take 3 classes/semester, but only one at a time for 6 weeks. My lovely Norwegian professor has our class starting next week and going until March 20. Which is 7 days into my study tour. Nice. I've already sent an email to her pointing out that she has her class scheduled longer than what it should be and I have the eMBA coordinator copied on that email. I'm sure they will say it's fine and to suck it up, but there's been problems with this class and another professor. As far as I can tell, the professor I have is just using this other professor's stuff and it doesn't make sense. I had 3 friends take the other professor and all 3 of them wrote 5 page letters about why the guy should be fired. They know that pretty much their entire class wrote letters as well. He was moved to the Houston campus for now.

So, Mike Leach is fired before due process yet this guy has a job after every.single.student of his has written letters about how bad of a professor he is? Yeah, not fair if you ask me.

Anyway, that's all there is today. Just a blog to rant about having one of THOSE days. And it's only halfway done. Blech.

And here goes #3...(it's a sappy one!)

This morning as I was putting on my jacket, I saw a photo of my grandparents and me (yes, that is proper grammar, Jonathan!) from 2002. I see the photo every day as it is sitting on the green shelves that I acquired from them last year, but today, it made me pause a couple of extra seconds to study it. The photo was taken at their 50th wedding anniversary and we were throwing them a surprise party. I even flew into Dallas on the first anniversary of September 11th for them! I was scared so it was a big deal to me.

The look on Gramma's face in this picture is priceless. It's a look of utter and pure joy. And what made her so incredibly happy? The fact that 3 of her daughters (and their husbands) and 3 of her granddaughters took the time to make this day so very special to her. She was so happy to just be with family on her wedding anniversary. In every picture we have of her from that night, she is beaming from ear to ear...and I love her for that priceless look of joy.

Right now, Gramma has Stage 6 Alzheimer's and is quickly heading to the final stage. It's a horrible disease and we are the unfortunate bystanders that have to witness her lose all the personality and spunk that made her who she was when I was growing up. My mom started a blog a year ago and dedicated the first several months to her "book," Ellyland. Feel free to read through her blog, which chronicles our family's journey through the different stages of Alzheimer's with my grandma.

I have not handled this very well as I was very close to Gramma. In fact, this is the first time I have really been able to talk about it at length without completely losing it. But, I am still tearing up. It's hard. I was my grandma's first grandchild and we both lived in DFW (well, mostly...they moved a couple of times) when I was growing up. I can remember countless nights spent at her house with her doing every single thing I ever wanted to do. She spoiled me rotten.

However, the real reason I mention all of this is because I have decided that my third resolution is to truly appreciate my family for who they are...flaws and all! Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate my family and always have. My parents are awesome and I think they raised me to be a pretty great person. I love all the members of my family (even the ones who refuse to be part of it) and there's not much I wouldn't do to make them happy. I'm a pleaser like, despite my constant need for independence.

But, and I'm sure we've all been there, sometimes I would just rather do something else besides hang out with my parents...or put myself through the (self-imposed) emotional ringer by visiting my grandparents...or whatever else it might be. I love going to dinner with my girlfriends and I love hanging out in my pajamas with Jonathan and there's times when that sounds more appealing to me than doing "family stuff."

But if the past few years have taught me anything, it's that family will be there for you whenever you need them to be. And, and they won't be there forever. Family members will die before you do and then you are left without them for the rest of your days. Each family member can offer you something that nobody else can and when they are gone, that gift that they hold is gone. Parents are there as only parents can be. Cousins are there for the emotional rollercoaster that is growing up (in essence, they are the ones you learn about life with). Aunts and uncles can provide you with that advice that you don't want from your parents...but need from an adult. Everyone can give you the funniest stories of your life. Trust me, my family has a lot!

And we all need that. Especially me. So, I am not going to just appreciate my family because I have to, not because it's expected of me, but because I want to. We are weird bunch (every single one of us will admit that) and there are things in life we don't agree on (politics, religion, etc.), but I kinda like it the way it is. My family is the perfect family for me.

Resolution #2

So, I'm doing my resolutions in a series of posts this year instead of just some arbitrary list that we all know I won't stick to (see last year's list...how many of those did I accomplish? Just the first one...). I want them to be well thought out and not just a "here's a list of shit I should do and I'll do it once just to check it off" kind of thing. I'm always trying to improve my quality of life and live by what I say I am going to live by. I say that, anyway. :)

So, the second resolution this year is one way that I am attempting the blanket resolution of losing weight. For this season of The Biggest Loser, we are not going to eat junk food while we watch the show! I don't know what it is, and I know we aren't the only ones that do it, but there is something about that show that drives your primal instinct to PIG THE EFF OUT while watching morbidly obese people change their lives and their health for the better. Why do we do it? Well, let's see (yes I have excuses):

1.) The show comes on Tuesday nights. I have my running class on Tuesday nights. Therefore, I'm already one step ahead.

2.) The show comes on Tuesday nights. I have running class on Tuesday nights. Therefore, I don't get home until 8:30pm at the earliest and that is too late to actually cook something.

3.) OK, we know the first two sentences here. Jack in the Box is right next door to where my running class is, therefore, it's just easier to pick something up.

4.) Wendy's and Chick-fil-A are also on my way home. Do we see where this is going?

None of these are good excuses. Well, the first one kind of is, but eating junk food after I run just un-does (is that a word?) everything that I was able to accomplish in class. The problem is, I have seen Jonathan screw up cooking so many times (he calls "experimenting") that I don't trust him to make dinner "just the way I like it." My mom will tell you, if you don't do something "just the way I like it," then it's not worth doing. I'll just do it myself!

But, I need to give up control over something and let him cook at least one night per week. We have enough frozen chicken, frozen veggies and rice in the house that he can reasonably throw that together quickly. And last night, I let him do just that. He made us marinated chicken and rice. And it was good. Yes, I did complain about the lack of veggies, but that was my fault. He's so used to me telling him exactly what to make and what time to do everything at, that he didn't even dare think to make something I didn't mention. And I forgot to mention making veggies.

Here's the funny thing, I think Jonathan is awesome at cooking vegetables! Weird, right? He can make some great roasted asparagus. He watches Food Network all the time and a lot of it has absorbed into his brain. So, he can cook. It's just that sometimes, he doesn't think that following the recipe in the exact order (some recipes are in a certain order for a reason...it's the one thing that I will actually follow the "rules" on), or the same measurements/ratios is necessary. He also doesn't think that if you throw something with a lot of peppers in it (think spicy sausage) into a screaming hot pan, that the peppers scorching won't burn your face, nose, throat, eyes, etc. while it's cooking. That one gave me a good laugh. There are times when he thinks excess is great and in reality, the chicken just won't cook with all the extra crap in there.

I've taught him that these things aren't always the best qualities in a "chef." And, I think it's time that he is allowed back in the kitchen. At least if I let him back in there, we won't eat junk during The Biggest Loser, now will we?

100th Post!!

I had remembered a funny story and decided to share my thoughts on it, but when I logged in this morning, I saw that this will be my 100th post! So, first off, woo hoo to that!

Anyway, I don't know why some random memories pop in my head at the most random times, but they do. This morning as I was making my breakfast, I remembered this conversation with an older gentleman in a sauna at the gym from about a year and a half ago:

(Somehow the conversation in the sauna, with all 10 of us, had turned to modern day courtships.)

Random Guy (RG): Let me ask you this, I bet the place where you live is in your name, huh?

Me: Well, yes. Who's name would it be in?

RG: It should be in the name of whomever you are dating at the time.

Me: And why is that?

RG: Because these punks nowadays don't know how to treat a woman. As a man, you should be paying for everything...and I mean EVERYTHING!

Me: Well, that's stupid, if you ask me. A woman needs to be able to stand on her own two feet and not just go from her parents house to the sorority house to a man's house. It's a different world now and women need to be able to take care of things themselves instead of depending on others.

RG: Tell me this, WHY are you paying for your own place to live if you have a boyfriend?

Me: Because I bought my house before we met. Therefore, the mortgage is in my name.

RG: Well, he should know to buy it from you or buy you a new house to live in because that's just how things go.

Me: Tell me this, is your girlfriend a 25 year old perpetual student who acts more like your daughter and a spoiled little brat than a strong, successful, indepedent woman who actually loves you for you?

RG: Yeah, so? What's wrong with that? At least she depends on me and needs me, therefore won't leave me.

And then I left. This is a real conversation that I had with a total stranger! It always shocks me when people try to tell other people how to live their lives and love to scream, "YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!!!" when obviously, this guy is doing it so right.

Maybe I'm a feminist. But I was personally raised to be as independent as possible. I was taught to live my life on my own terms and do what was right for me, not for someone else and definitely not for the perception of something else. I bought my first house, on my own, when I was 24 years old and making less than the lowest end of what the average first year teacher pay in Texas is currently at. Hell, I moved out of my parents house one month after I got my first job despite the fact that I thought I was going to stay there a few months longer so I could save up more money. I was making $30,000/year (I know, big no no here...not supposed to talk about salary) and I argued with my dad that I could make it on my own...despite the small salary. The main reason was, I had learned in college that I loved living on my own. It made me feel like an adult. I was an adult, after all, and should be able to get calls whenever I wanted without worrying that I would be waking up my parents. I should be able to leave at 11pm to go out with my friends without waking up my mom to explain that I was leaving for the night. It was just easier. I was making my own money so I should be able to do what I wanted with it. So, I moved out and on my own.

And it was hard. My mom still donated groceries every once in a while and I even took up cleaning her house (I hate cleaning!) to help pay the bills every month. My dad was right...it's hard living on your own when the digits in your salary are small! But here's the thing. I did it. I made it work and I am more than proud of myself for doing it without any man to depend on.

That's why this guy made me so mad at the time (although, I think it's funny now). He doesn't know what my views are or what I went through to get where I am. I was still able to pay my bills and live life fairly comfortably. I was completely independent. Of course, Jonathan was already living with me by this time and helping out on his end. But all that did was help me to build up my savings account and actually get to buy fun stuff! Of course, had I known then that my savings account would be bleeding out in 2009, there would have been a lot less fun stuff that I bought! But, that's all in hindsight. The fact of the matter is, this guy had the nerve to tell me how to live my life. Also, I had the greatest cardio workout after that since I had my adrenaline pumping.

So, that helped me to renew a vow that I gave to myself a couple of years ago: other people's lives are other people's lives. Let them live it. You don't have to "help" because oftentimes, they don't want it. You don't know what it took for them to get where they are and they could be beaming with pride with what they have accomplished or beyond ashamed about what they have done wrong. Either way, it's not up to you to drag them down and tell them, "YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!!!" They know what's best for them and you know what's best for you.

Remembering this story has also helped me with one of my 2010 resolutions. My life is my life and no matter what anyone says, I'm doing it right. And in 2010, I'm going to keep on doing what's right for me and not let other's opinions affect the way I live my life. Conversely, I'm not going to worry or judge or have any opinion on how other's are living their life...good, bad, or indifferent. It's their life and if they want my honest opinion, they will ask.