Jen Freaking Lancaster, Bitches!!!!

So, I got to meet my hero last night. Jen Lancaster. It was awesome. :) If you haven't heard of her or if you haven't read her books, I strongly suggest you do so...NOW! Here's the list of her books, full titles included:

1.) Bitter is the New Black : Confessions of a Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smartass,Or, Why You Should Never Carry A Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office

2.) Bright Lights, Big Ass: A Self-Indulgent, Surly, Ex-Sorority Girl's Guide to Why it Often Sucks in the City, or Who are These Idiots and Why Do They All Live Next Door to Me?

3.) Such a Pretty Fat: One Narcissist's Quest To Discover if Her Life Makes Her Ass LookBig, Or Why Pie is Not The Answer

4.) Pretty in Plaid: A Life, a Witch, and a Wardrobe, or, the Wonder Years Before the Condescending,Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smart Ass Phase

I love, love, love all of her books! They are all about her life and her first two books are a direct result of her blog. Yes, folks, she is a blogger turned author. In fact, one of the first! I am almost done with the last book and it's just as great as the first. I've laughed out loud with all of these, but I think the third book made me laugh the hardest. Basically, she decides to go on a diet and hilarity ensues. The yoga part is the best...by far!

Currently, Jen is on tour for her latest book, the Pretty in Plaid one. She came to Dallas last night. When she announced her tour dates, she said she had to fight to come to Dallas so we had better represent. And at about 300 women (with a few men squeezed somewhere in there), we did! My mom is the best...she got there at 2:30, which secured us front row seats and Group A passes to get our books signed.

Jen seemed very surprised when she came up the escalator to see all these people:

To my front right side:

To my back right side:To my front left side:

And, finally, to my back left:

I'm sure I have everyone's permission to post these. It was supposed to be a big 80s party, but the fact that a lot of us are just coming from work, it just didn't end up being that way. I saw 3 people decked out in their 80s finest...including the woman in that last picture with the white shirt and red camisole. I liked her 80s. :) I was going to go in my NKOTB concert outfit...but I didn't think that would lend itself well to my "appointment" excuse I gave work for leaving an hour early. Too bad I didn't think that through, because I had roughly 3 hours before Jen even got there to get ready! I could have crimped my hair at the very least. I owed that much to her.

But, I was still an uber-fan by being the VERY FIRST to get my book signed! Behold:

Also? The very first to have my picture taken with her:

You might not be able to tell in this picture, but we are wearing the EXACT SAME pearl necklace and earrings. That was pretty freaking awesome, too! Jen is the one that taught me it is, in fact, ok to love pearls. I always secretly have like them, just thought I had to be a lot older. After reading Jen's first book, I busted out the pearls as often as I could. Also, I was trying to plan out the perfect witty remark that would get her to want me to become her BFF in Dallas...but I just stared in awe. Then, after my mom's book was signed, I blurted out, "I am totally the 28 year old you!" Yeah. Smooth. Like she hasn't heard that a thousand times!

However, I also had the chance to have the best revenge of my life last night! Ok, in my book, this is totally revenge...might just seem dorky to everyone else. So, as I am sitting completely antsy in my chair (front row...did I mention that?)...because it's 5 minutes before Jen arrives...who do I see coming up the escalator? Heinous Bitch! For those that don't know, this is what I call my old boss. She was horrible to me. Completely rude and horrible. So, I'm freaking out, my mom is dying laughing, we are both not being subtle. I caught her eye for a second right as I was telling my mom that she was coming up...she then looks away...and as I am loudly saying, "Oh! My! God!" and my mom is laughing as loud as she can....HB gives me the most evil side-eye I have ever seen in my life! Then she proceeds to make her way behind all those people in the photos above. She even had to line up in the bookcases to get her book signed. While I was first. I think I look pretty decent despite the incredible humidity that day. She looked like a wet ragdoll. That, my friends, was sweet fucking revenge. :)