Blog Prompt - Apparently All About Boobs!

I know it's hard to believe, but there are a lot of times I am at a loss for words. I mean, yes, I talk a LOT and can pretty much talk to a brick wall if I needed to. But there are times (lots of times) that I don't know what to write about. And then things like ranting to Yahoo come up and spewing out. Of course, that was so freaking frustrating. And of course I had to get it out. But seriously? That's my biggest problem right now? Laughable.

So this is where I find MindBump and Creativity Portal to give me ideas. The first idea was to list 10 titles of my autobiography. Hmmm...that's interesting. And hard! A lot of people don't get my humor (or maybe I'm only funny in my own head...hey!...book title!), so not sure how this will blow over...but here goes:

1.) Funny In My Own Head
2.) The Jack-Of-All-Trades, Truly An Expert At None
3.) Amie-isms: A Life Of Inane Thoughts
4.) When Boobs Don't Stop Growing: The Tragic Tale That Nobody Understands
5.) Talking to Yourself: It's Best If Done Alone
6.) How to Get Through School Without Studying
7.) The Life Of A Procrastinator
8.) Do As I Say! Now!
9.) Hot Feet
10.) Floating With The Clouds

The next one was to describe my most embarrassing moment. Hell if I know!! I am easily embarrassed and constantly do it to myself. Most of the time, it's from me trying to make someone laugh and then the unexpected person walks in. For instance, there was this one time in high school during cheerleading practice. We were all tired and a little punchy. It was just my squad and we were waiting for something...I can't even remember now what we were doing, but an after school practice was involved. So, bored out of our minds, I roll up my little practice shorts so much that the cheeks were hanging out and so low that something else was about to hang out. I do that 80's twist thing with my t-shirt where it only covers my boobs. I throw my hair into a really high side ponytail and I grab the orange cones that were sitting in the gym leftover from the P.E. class. With cones on my boobs, I start performing "Like a Virgin" for my squad...who were all rolling on the floor! I mean, I had them going I was so funny (pats self on back)! Then, right in the middle of a particulary dramatic twirl, the HOT coach of the school walks in. There I am, standing in all my glory, about a foot from the hottest guy I had ever seen in real life. Smooth. Really smooth. Luckily he just laughed and walked right back out...but I'm sure he saw me turn beat red first!

Then, just a year and a half ago, there was the "incident" at my best friend's wedding. I was the maid of honor and she had picked out these dresses with spaghetti straps and a really, really low-cut front. It took a lot of altering on my mom's part because, let's face it, while well-endowed girls might be envied for their well-endowedness, there are many items of clothing they just cannot and should not wear. Spaghetti straps with very little boobie coverage = not good! So, since this was so low-cut, there was no way I could wear even a strapless bra under the thing. My mom took about 3 inches out of each piece of string they called a strap and 2 inces out of each side (apparently, the bigger the size you get to try to have coverage, the more fabric they add to the SIDE of the chest part...not the front...I'm sorry but nobody wants to see fat-girl cleavage!). I was practically sewn into that sucker! So, my friend goes to do the bouquet toss, and of course throws it right to me. As I reach up for it...POP! The straps of my dress come flying off! Thank goodness that bouquet landed in my hands when it did because if it was 2 seconds later, my dress would have been on the floor. No joke. I didn't know what to do, so I just stood there for a couple of minutes, not moving. All the girls and my friend the bride come crowding around, luckily, and I just stood there repeating, "My straps! My straps! I can't move! What do I do?" Finally I knew that I was going to have to get to the bathroom and I couldn't just stand there on the dancefloor - in front of 200 people, mind you - motionless. So, I turned on my heel and booked it past all the guests and darted right into the bathroom...with about 10 girls trailing behind me. After I was finally pinned in as well as I could be pinned in, and had Jonathan's jacket on, I face the music and walk back into the reception...with a round of applause errupting. Nice.

So the lesson of that story is, if you have busty bridesmaids, please, PLEASE do them a favor and choose a dress with thick straps or a halter style! Strapless and spaghetti straps are HORRIBLE for girls like us and we will resent you for making us wear those types of dresses!

OK, I guess that's all for writing prompts today. I should focus my writing energy on my school stuff right now. But, see autobiography title #7.