100th Post!!

I had remembered a funny story and decided to share my thoughts on it, but when I logged in this morning, I saw that this will be my 100th post! So, first off, woo hoo to that!

Anyway, I don't know why some random memories pop in my head at the most random times, but they do. This morning as I was making my breakfast, I remembered this conversation with an older gentleman in a sauna at the gym from about a year and a half ago:

(Somehow the conversation in the sauna, with all 10 of us, had turned to modern day courtships.)

Random Guy (RG): Let me ask you this, I bet the place where you live is in your name, huh?

Me: Well, yes. Who's name would it be in?

RG: It should be in the name of whomever you are dating at the time.

Me: And why is that?

RG: Because these punks nowadays don't know how to treat a woman. As a man, you should be paying for everything...and I mean EVERYTHING!

Me: Well, that's stupid, if you ask me. A woman needs to be able to stand on her own two feet and not just go from her parents house to the sorority house to a man's house. It's a different world now and women need to be able to take care of things themselves instead of depending on others.

RG: Tell me this, WHY are you paying for your own place to live if you have a boyfriend?

Me: Because I bought my house before we met. Therefore, the mortgage is in my name.

RG: Well, he should know to buy it from you or buy you a new house to live in because that's just how things go.

Me: Tell me this, is your girlfriend a 25 year old perpetual student who acts more like your daughter and a spoiled little brat than a strong, successful, indepedent woman who actually loves you for you?

RG: Yeah, so? What's wrong with that? At least she depends on me and needs me, therefore won't leave me.

And then I left. This is a real conversation that I had with a total stranger! It always shocks me when people try to tell other people how to live their lives and love to scream, "YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!!!" when obviously, this guy is doing it so right.

Maybe I'm a feminist. But I was personally raised to be as independent as possible. I was taught to live my life on my own terms and do what was right for me, not for someone else and definitely not for the perception of something else. I bought my first house, on my own, when I was 24 years old and making less than the lowest end of what the average first year teacher pay in Texas is currently at. Hell, I moved out of my parents house one month after I got my first job despite the fact that I thought I was going to stay there a few months longer so I could save up more money. I was making $30,000/year (I know, big no no here...not supposed to talk about salary) and I argued with my dad that I could make it on my own...despite the small salary. The main reason was, I had learned in college that I loved living on my own. It made me feel like an adult. I was an adult, after all, and should be able to get calls whenever I wanted without worrying that I would be waking up my parents. I should be able to leave at 11pm to go out with my friends without waking up my mom to explain that I was leaving for the night. It was just easier. I was making my own money so I should be able to do what I wanted with it. So, I moved out and on my own.

And it was hard. My mom still donated groceries every once in a while and I even took up cleaning her house (I hate cleaning!) to help pay the bills every month. My dad was right...it's hard living on your own when the digits in your salary are small! But here's the thing. I did it. I made it work and I am more than proud of myself for doing it without any man to depend on.

That's why this guy made me so mad at the time (although, I think it's funny now). He doesn't know what my views are or what I went through to get where I am. I was still able to pay my bills and live life fairly comfortably. I was completely independent. Of course, Jonathan was already living with me by this time and helping out on his end. But all that did was help me to build up my savings account and actually get to buy fun stuff! Of course, had I known then that my savings account would be bleeding out in 2009, there would have been a lot less fun stuff that I bought! But, that's all in hindsight. The fact of the matter is, this guy had the nerve to tell me how to live my life. Also, I had the greatest cardio workout after that since I had my adrenaline pumping.

So, that helped me to renew a vow that I gave to myself a couple of years ago: other people's lives are other people's lives. Let them live it. You don't have to "help" because oftentimes, they don't want it. You don't know what it took for them to get where they are and they could be beaming with pride with what they have accomplished or beyond ashamed about what they have done wrong. Either way, it's not up to you to drag them down and tell them, "YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!!!" They know what's best for them and you know what's best for you.

Remembering this story has also helped me with one of my 2010 resolutions. My life is my life and no matter what anyone says, I'm doing it right. And in 2010, I'm going to keep on doing what's right for me and not let other's opinions affect the way I live my life. Conversely, I'm not going to worry or judge or have any opinion on how other's are living their life...good, bad, or indifferent. It's their life and if they want my honest opinion, they will ask.